Today I felt like, I wish I wasn’t pregnant. I couldn’t stop crying for 30 minutes feeling lost and lonely.
This was brought on by the fact my child’s father didn’t come home as he promised last night.
He hadn’t even called me this morning, or read his message from last night. It’s now after 4pm.
The thing is I’m currently fighting with depression and anxiety and I already feel like a failure. I started questioning why I put myself in this situation especially at the age of 40. I only agreed that this baby because I thought that’s what you wanted and that you loved me.
I don’t feel his love not the way no wish it to be. I’ve tried to explain to him but it’s very hard he just laughs it off.
He just doesn’t understand.
I started to think of ways of having a miscarriage which is evil I just didn’t want to be pregnant anymore.
What’s on kicked me so hard I felt pain I feel like I deserve it because I shouldn’t think that way.
I really do love this child and I can’t wait to see my son but for a split moment I wish it would go all away.
I hate feeling like this feeling suicidal I do have a team and consultant that know about mental health and are supporting me.
Will it ever get better I really do hope so because I want to be a good mum for my son.