Channel Mum Chat

Feeling like I made a mistake and my baby now's

Today I felt like, I wish I wasn’t pregnant. I couldn’t stop crying for 30 minutes feeling lost and lonely.
This was brought on by the fact my child’s father didn’t come home as he promised last night.
He hadn’t even called me this morning, or read his message from last night. It’s now after 4pm.

The thing is I’m currently fighting with depression and anxiety and I already feel like a failure. I started questioning why I put myself in this situation especially at the age of 40. I only agreed that this baby because I thought that’s what you wanted and that you loved me.
I don’t feel his love not the way no wish it to be. I’ve tried to explain to him but it’s very hard he just laughs it off.
He just doesn’t understand.
I started to think of ways of having a miscarriage which is evil I just didn’t want to be pregnant anymore.
What’s on kicked me so hard I felt pain I feel like I deserve it because I shouldn’t think that way.
I really do love this child and I can’t wait to see my son but for a split moment I wish it would go all away.
I hate feeling like this feeling suicidal I do have a team and consultant that know about mental health and are supporting me.
Will it ever get better I really do hope so because I want to be a good mum for my son.

Is there anyone like a relative or a friend you can go to or who can come visit you so you feel less lonely? Do you have much of a support system?

I’m sorry to hear that your child’s father didn’t come over when promised and hasn’t contacted you. I can imagine it is very worrying. Is there anyone you can contact who might know where he is?

Please don’t feel guilty for intrusive thoughts, they are not your fault. It could be a good idea for you to contact your team and let them know how you’re doing. When you are feeling overwhelmed and thinking of hurting yourself, do call a helpline so that you and your baby are kept safe.

I’m sure you will be a great mum - you clearly already care a lot about your son. I also have a son, he’s 1.5 years old and he’s the best thing that ever happened to me and gives me strength every day. It will get better for you. Just please use any resources available to support you through this tough period. It won’t last forever.

2 Likes

Hello @MsJayR

I am so sorry to read how you are feeling -it sounds a very unhappy and confusing place to be. @anonymous3729 has given a lovely reply.

Feelings are temporary and do pass but can make us feel really miserable and very unhappy - I get the impression from reading your post that these feelings have been triggered by the father of your baby not coming home and not responding to your texts. There could be lots of different explanation for this - his phone could be flat, lost or broken. However, it is not respectful not to let you know what is going on as this will cause you to worry. Neither are good for you or the baby,

It sounds like at the heart of this you are questioning your relationship with him and you are feeling insecure - you say

It is your body, your baby and your life and you need to do what YOU want to do and what is in your best interests. How may weeks pregnant are you? Have you had tests done to confirm your are expecting a son? Do you have other children?

Sorry to ask so many questions I am just trying to understand the situation you are in.

You say

Can your reach out to them for some help and support with how you are feeling? Do you feel suicidal would you take steps to end your life? The Samaritans are available 24/7 its a free call on 116 123 see link below. Please talk to someone about how you feel it really does help.

I am glad you have posted here - you are not alone

Maggie xx

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Thank You for your kind words. I have spoken with my team and he finally reached out. He felt so guilty. He still hasn’t come round but haa called me almost every day. Hopefully things get better between us.

Thank I managed to speak with my team. The father has also reached out. He’s feeling guilty about something that we haven’t spoken on yet.
I hope things get better.

Hi @MsJayR

Glad to hear you were able to speak to your MH team and that the father has reached out to you.

Fingers crossed things will get better for you -be kind to yourself you are doing the best you can under stressful circumstances.

Sending love
Maggie x