Few months later


#1

I had a miscarriage in September 2018 when I was 7 weeks pregnant. I was over joyed to find out I was expecting as I have endometriosis and never knew if I could conceive and was undergoing medical advice from consultant.

At different times my chest feels heavy and I can’t stop myself crying. Since September I have 3 friends who are expecting and whilst I’m so delighted for them I feel angry that I’m not expecting also. When my period comes I also cry as if I’m mourning all over again.

Is this normal??


#2

Hi Shauna,

I’m Lorraine one of the Parent Helpers here in the Channel Mum Groups.

I’m so sorry about your loss, that mustv’e ben such a shock finding out you were pregnant and then heartbreaking when it came to an end. I can’t imagine how you felt after being unsure if you could get pregnant. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all of that.

Loosing a baby is such a traumatic experience that sadly so many go through. For each person their journey is different. You have to deal with it in your own way, by doing and expressing your feelings in ways that comfort you. You don’t have to stop yourself from crying, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be angry too. It’s so hard seeing friends/family becoming pregnant around you after a loss. I remember that feeling too. It becomes easier in time but it’s like a punch in the gut that you don’t have what you dream of.

Your period and the bleeding is most likely a trigger, it’s a reminder of what happend, what is not and it hurts. When you period comes just try to take it easy and be extra kind during those days during.

Do you have someone you feel comfortable talking with? Family, friend, partner? It’s good to talk about things with your loved ones. Let them be there for you if you can, or continue to talk to us. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’ve been through something huge and there is no timescale on grief. If you ever feel like everything is to much then you can go to your GP and enquire about any support they may be able to offer you.

Sending lots of love,

Lorraine x


#3

Thank you for your response Lorraine. Some times I just think people will be thinking that I’m crazy and lost my mind. Have appointment with my GP on Monday and will discuss. I do have great family support as well as my partner but I feel like I’m being silly recasting it all up again. Just feels like I’m constantly reliving the grief and shock all over again. I hope I get pregnant again soon.xx


#4

Hi, you don’t sound crazy to me. How did your appointment with the GP go?


#5
Anonymous said Hi, you don't sound crazy to me. How did your appointment with the GP go?
I didn't speak about it with GP in the end, felt like and feel like I'm overreacting. I am pushing my partner away and I know I'm doing it, I'm trying to be more open with him but I feel like I'm drowning in my emotions. I spent a full morning crying yesterday when a friend sent me her scan photo, I'm so happy for her but at same time it's killing me that I lost my wee miracle.

I also find it difficult to be intimate too with my endometriosis, it causes me pain. I want a baby so bad and obviously want to be intimate as it makes you feel closer together but the thought of it I just can’t.

Vicious circle.


#6

Hi Shauna,

I’m sorry to hear you didn’t manage to discuss things with you GP. It can be hard to open up but honestly do go back and speak with you GP if you feel you need to. It might be a really big step to take for you but I know you won’t regret it. They will offer you support. There is support out there, for good reason. As I’ve said miscarriage is traumatic. It’s heart breaking and nobody would say you were overreacting. My losses absolutely rocked me to my core. They were my children I lost. It’s so okay to be hurting, but it’s also okay to ask for support.

If you keep up communication and tell him that. Tell him you can feel yourself pushing him away, and ask him to know that you don’t mean too. Ask him to give you some time because that’s what you need. Keep talking to eachother, let him know how you feel.

I’m sorry about your friends pregnancy being so painful. That is a huge emotional trigger for alot of parents afterloss. My cousin had a baby when I had mine and I couldn’t even bare to look at him because it hurt me so much. He was amazing though, it was just me.

Is there anything you can do for your Endometriosis? Again, are you seeing your doctor regarding this?

We understand how you feel, I’m glad to see you coming back and telling us how you feel. We’re here whenever you need.

Lorraine x