I have an almost 6month old and a 3 year old. I’ve been on anti depressants on and off for a good few years and have recently started taking them again (February). Things haven’t been getting better, and I’m really struggling now. I have a really supportive doctor but I worry so much about bothering her. She keeps telling me to phone if I need to speak to her between appointments (which are 2 weeks apart) and I’m really finding it tough to wait that long. She tried to make me an appointment this week but I said I’d wait the 2 weeks (long story short my parents were visiting this week and they don’t know what’s going on so I didn’t want to have to lie to them about going to the drs).
I’m worrying that if I don’t phone tomorrow I’ll have yet another difficult weekend (last weekend was really tough), or if I do phone but she doesn’t have time to phone me back it will have a negative impact on me, or she phones but it doesn’t help.
I really don’t know what to do. I could really do with chatting with her, even just for a few minutes (she always knows what to say to give me a little boost) but I really don’t want to take up her valuable time.
It might be useful if I give an idea of what’s going on in my head, maybe someone might be able to convince me either way what I should do.
I’m surviving. My boys are well looked after, they are happy and healthy (although the youngest has silent reflux!) my relationship isn’t in a great place (the boys’ dad) and I live in a different country to my family so I don’t really have much in the way of support at the moment. My brain can’t switch off, I’m getting no down time. I feel really alone, I’m struggling to lose weight, I’m worrying about lots of little things. I’m not suicidal. But, I do think about dying, I think about harming myself. I wont do anything but it doesn’t stop me thinking about it. I couldn’t do anything that could leave my boys without their mum, I love them too much to put them through that. I haven’t told my dr this stuff yet because I’m worried about what she would have to do if I did.
I’m sorry this has become such a long post. But if anyone is out there and able to give me a bit of advice on what to do I’d really appreciate it!