Channel Mum Chat

I don’t know what to do. *sensitive subject*

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice.
I’ve been with my partner nearly a year, I am currently pregnant- I don’t know how I feel about this. I am petrified this is going to take a toll on my mental health, I don’t know if he will be as supportive as he makes out.
He has been making comments about his daughter’s mother to which have annoyed me and I’ve said well you wasn’t saying that whilst you was sleeping with her? It is really getting to me and I feel like it’s showing me his true colours, I don’t know if I want that in my life.
I currently have a 4 year old, his dad is amazing and it panics me to think have I been stupid? What am I doing?

These past couple of days I just feel like I need to cut him off, I do not want any relationship or communication with him, this then makes me not want the baby. I am struggling awfully at the minute, I don’t know if I’m strong enough for an abortion but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep the baby. I don’t want him to think he has an hold over me because that would send me over the edge.
I feel mentally and emotionally drained, I just do not know what to do. I have no family support so I can’t rely on anyone- I’m not implying I should but I mean for work purposes etc, my sons dad has him we work around each other - there is no worries but I’m just not sure with this new pregnancy - I’m finding it so hard.

Thank you for reading, I truly appreciate it.
Apologies for the sensitivity x

Hi @anonymous6047

Sorry to hear about the dilemma you find yourself in. My name is Maggie and I am the Channelmum HV.

I wonder if writing this post has helped you clarify your feelings about this? You send very unsure. It is always good to write things done and also to talk things through with a objective non-judgemental person.

You will always find supportive kind responses here so I am glad you have found us. As your son is only 4 you will have a health visitor you can talk to and also your GP will listen and be supportive. If you do decide to seek a termination the sooner you cans do this the better your GP can refer you and I share some links of organisations that can help. You always get a lot of counselling before you go ahead with a termination and you can change your mind at any stage. How many weeks pregnant are you?

The British Pregnancy Advisory Service BPAS - Nearly all of the women they see have their care paid for by the NHS. They have a lot of useful information you may find helpful.

https://www.bpas.org

Maris Stopes advertise you don’t need a GP referral to access NHS funded abortion care. You can call their advice line 0345 300 8090

https://www.msichoices.org.uk

I am going to attempt to summarise what I have gathered from your post

You are pregnant by your current partner whom you are having serious doubts over given his track record. You feel you want a break from him and you are unsure if want his baby.

Your feel in turmoil and drained emotionally and don’t know what to do

You have a 4 year old and a great arrangement with his dad who is brilliant and this all works well.

Can I ask a few questions? You say

What makes you feel like this?

What makes you think your current partner will not be a supportive as he makes out? Does he want this baby? How old is his daughter and why did he leave? Is he a good dad to his daughter, involved in her care and seeing her regularly and taking responsibility for her financially?

In your mind how does he compare to your son’s dad?

Worst case scenario would you be happy to have this baby and end up bringing the baby up without his support?

Do you love him?

It is your body and your life - it is usually the woman who ends up bearing the brunt of it if things break down. You are stronger than you think - do what you think is best for you. Talk to some of the professionals around you like your GP or HV ring one of the helplines above - find out your options and take one step at a time.

Do keep chatting to us - it is a hard decision to make, take your time to make up your mind. I find a simple think like writting all the pros and cons down or a sheet of paper and seeing which has the most pros and cons. Either way you have to live with the consequences of what you decide to do.

Maggie xx