Channel Mum Chat

Is it the right time?

Hi everyone. I really need your opinions. So after having my first daughter 3+ years ago my husband and I decided that we didn’t want any more children. That was going well until Covid19 came along and because of lockdowns and isolations my daughter has become very lonely as there isn’t any other children in our household or our neighborhood even. Everyday she would literally cry and beg us for someone to play with and share her toys, I try playing with her as much as I can but it’s never enough as I can’t really get down to her level no matter how hard I try. Now I grow up in a big family and I can’t imagine what life would have been like without my siblings. I personally don’t do well worh loneliness and I believe that she has taken after me in that regard. It pains me everyday to see her struggle like this and I have started considering the possibility of another child. My husband on the other hand doesn’t want any part of another child (right now) as he says, however he hasn’t given me a time or anything reassurances that the time will ever come, whenever I try talking to him about it he gets upset and completely shuts down. I am almost 30 and I always said that I wouldn’t want to have another child after 30 (personal reasons) nor with too much of an age gap. I will like to know how can I convince my husband that now is the right time for us to conceive again. Tia

Maybe he has his personal reasons as well. Could be financial reasons (unless you guys can support another child), or maybe he is just simply not ready right now. I suggest you talk to him why he does not want to have another baby yet. Or if he is really not interested at all. I dont think you can convince someone who is, not at all open to your idea of having another child. But then again, sitting on it to discuss is the only key to know for sure. I wish you get your answers from him. :slight_smile:

1 Like

I would start by sitting down with him and having a talk about how you both feel. You need to find out where you both stand on the topic of having more children.

1 Like

Hi @ayesha-mitchell

I don’t think you can or should try to “convince him” but you can communicate your feelings to him and let him know why you feel that having another child is important to you. If you genuinely feel this is something you really want then tell him that, but equally if he feels it’s something he is adamant that he doesn’t want then you have to be prepared to hear that and try to discuss where that leaves you both in terms of moving forwards.

If he feels that he just doesn’t want to at the moment, can you agree to review things in 6 months time? Then that takes the pressure off both of you a little if you agree to speak about it later?

It’s a really difficult one as it’s such a personal decision but hopefully you can discuss things and work on an agreement together. In the meantime though, can you get your daughter involved in any clubs or look at her starting nursery? It would be a good way to socialise her with kids her own age and might help her feel a little less lonely :heart:

1 Like

Thanks for your response. I did ask him for us to decide on a time when we can revisit the conversation again and probably make a decision then, however he always say he can’t put a time period to it so that’s why I get the impression that he doesn’t want another but just doesn’t want to tell me straight up. In term of my daughter going to nursery or daycare its impossible at this time as all of these institutions along with schools and everything else where children can gather and socialize are closed because of the amount of covid19 cases in my country the kids hasn’t been to a physical room since last year March so there isn’t any way she can meet other children. I guess i just have continue doing my best with her and hope he comes around.

Thank you.

Thank you. We just can’t seem to get to that point where agree on a stance on the topic. I goes like this, I bring it up and ask him what he thinks, he gets upset and say we’re not having this conversation right now. If I try to ask further or even ask when would be a better time, he never responds and there is no talk about it again unless I bring it up again, to which the response will go the same way.