Channel Mum Chat

Mother in law - please advise!

I’ve had abit of an issue regarding my mother in law
I feel like she doesn’t make enough effort with my daughters and I’m not sure on how to approach it

She rarely calls them (maybe every couple of weeks) and over the last 4 years she has come to my home 6/7 times - I have always made the effort to go to her house.
This is becoming abit of a issue with me, I want her to see my children more and for her to come to me as I’m getting fed up of being the one who makes the effort!
The reason she doesn’t come to my house is because she has to walk (it’s a 10 min walk)
I want my children to grow up with a nanny who makes effort with seeing them and speaking regularly and on my side of the family they have no grandparents and this is there main grandparent
I have already sent her a message with my partner says if that maybe we can do some sort of routine, for example every fortnight you come to my house and then two weeks later I will go to your house
However this was a month ago and nothing has changed
Any advise or similar stories in welcome
Many thanks!

I’m sorry you’ve got a reluctant mother-in-law. Maybe she just doesn’t like to impose on you all the time.

Have you spoken to her about how you feel and told her that you’d like to see more of her?

I really want to see her more, but I am reluctant to say anything as she gets very defensive over everything/anything
I don’t know how to put it

Hi @tillymascord

Would this be better maybe coming from your partner? Could he have an honest conversation with her and tell her that realistically she isn’t going to have a relationship with your children if she doesn’t make the effort.

How is her health? Is there any reason why she might find looking after children particularly challenging? In which case, could you invite her along on some family days out?

I think it’s lovely that you want her to have a relationship with her and it’s great that you’re actively trying to do something to encourage that but some families are just different and it could simply be that she feels that the relationship is adequate compared with what she’s used to in her family. I remember my grandma was amazing, really involved and did so much with me but I had friends who would only see their Grandparents once in a while - it definitely differs from family to family.

I would try getting your partner to lead the conversation in terms of her being more involved first and go from there.