Channel Mum Chat

Need to vent about my Mom and life

I am currently pregnant with a baby girl! Unfortunately the father left after I went to the emergency room.And then decided this was not his situation . And haven’t told his family he’s having a daughter… In this situation my family wasn’t happy to hear about me being pregnant and still in college. My relationship with them about the situation Seems to have gotten better but my mom believes that I am H*e. And told me why don’t I value myself or care about myself. I am angry because they don’t know even half of everything I am going through. Putting myself through college all by myself. The constant worry about my baby since the emergency room and seeing blood. Being sick and on antibiotics.The father during that time convincing me that I was setting my little girl up for a horrible life and how abortion in his family was normal and easy. The fact that I even need to think about in case I get cancer in the next 10-20years and prepare for where she will go. I haven’t told them or even talked to them about this because there will not be there for me, my mom will say it’s my fault for being stupid. I have no friend or best friend anymore because she was upset that I even got pregnant and she didn’t. My family is very educational hierarchical. To them , you matter if you have education. The moment you have an F or a C your not family. And don’t think about getting a C because mom banned that since 8 grade.

Sadly, you can’t choose your family, but you can try to prove them wrong, by getting on with your life and making a success of bringing your child up.

In my experience it is very difficult to change people’s values & opinions. Your mum might not approve some of your choices but this is your life, your choices to make. I think we often continue to seek our parent’s approval but you just got to live your life your way regardless of what they think.

I hope that once your little girl is here, your family will be more supportive and helpful. One day they might even feel grateful for how things turned out and thankful to you for bringing a wonderful little girl into their lives.

Sorry to hear that the father of the baby has left like this…

HI @anonymous5569

I am very sorry to hear about your lack of support in the situation you find yourself in, it sounds very difficult for you. Congratulation on your baby girl.

My name is Maggie and I am the Channelmum health visitor. It sounds like you may not be in the UK so you may not have access to a health visitor see below for more about what we do

How are you feeling about being pregnant? As a mum I would want to support my daughter in any way I could. Perhaps once your mum has got over the shock she will come round. When you say you are at college what year are you in and is there any pastoral help and support through college? Most colleges in the UK do offer help and support for young expectant mums. How far away are you from completing your studies and how many weeks pregnant are you?

Sorry to ask so many questions I am just trying to understand your situation.

You say

Can you tell me what this was about? Where was the blood coming from and why did you need antibiotics. I am not sure I understand what you mean when you say

I think it is important to take one step at a time and not rush ahead thinking about worst case scenarios.

It sounds like you want to keep this baby and the baby’s father wants nothing to do with his responsibility. In the UK fathers cannot just duck out of being a dad if they feel like it as they have legal and parental responsibility even if they chose not to be part of a baby or child’s life. It would be good to find out what the paternity rules are where you live.

It is your body and your child and your decision wether to go ahead with this pregnancy or not. DO NOT let anyone else pressurise you into a decision you are not comfortable with. Your college may offer some form of counselling or support to help you.

Do I gather from what you say below that you and the baby’s father didn’t know you were pregnant till then?

The baby’s father may come round after the initial shock has worn off.

You say - I was very sad to read this as there is so much more to people that the grades they get - there are multiple types of intelligence besides those measured by educational grades. Some of the worlds greatest leaders, entrepreneurs and inventors dod not great grades at school!!!

You also say

This does not sound like a true friend - as friends are there for you through thick and thin and friendship is not conditional.

I am sending you lots of love and hoping you can stay strong and think though this.

Maggie xx

It’s was the UTI and something else I am embarrassed saying… I am currently a junior now in college. (Accelerated student) and the father knew I was pregnant before I even went to the ER. The father has now blocked connection with me. I tried with the father asking him hey I have pictures of the baby hoping he would come around. But he didn’t in the end. And with my best friend I was sad and mad well still very mad. I am getting a lot of support from my OB and aunts.

Hi @anonymous5569

I am glad to hear your are getting support from your aunts and OB (what does that stand for?)

What are the laws in your country around fathers financially supporting their children and parental responsibility?

The father of the baby and your friend may still come round give them time - it is early days yet? Are you recovering from your UTI and other complaint?

How many weeks pregnant are you? How are you feeling?

Maggie xx

Ob = obstetrician?

Thank you xx

I am now 19 weeks pregnant and father and friend have not come around. And I have no more UTI and the other complaint is better now. But I won’t know for 100% sure until I deliver. Since so many body changes. The laws in California states that no matter what that the father still must financially support his child.

Hi @anonymous5569

Good to hear he will have to financially support his child no matter what. Have you other friends or family who can be there for you? Pleased to hear the UTI has cleared up and fingers crossed re your other complaint.

Your helath and well being are important so look after yourself as best you can eating healthily, taking exercise, getting enough rest and sleep. Do you smoke or drink alcohol? Try to relax as much as you possible as stress is not good for you or the baby.

Have a look at the link below - it is British but won’t differ that much in the States.

Take care
Maggie

I do not drink or smoke. Never have. I completely changed my diet. Stress is there. I have trouble not stressing…