Channel Mum Chat

Single Mum no family support struggle

Hi All

I am
A single mummy of two children. My daughter who is severely disabled is 6 and my son is almost 2 years old. My son was born with no problems and is a normal child. I have things extremely hard which I hide very well , absolutely no one knows about my struggle. I have litterly no one I can count on. My mummy passed away from a rare disease in February 2020 she died on my 30th birthday. Ever since she passed I feel like I have no one. I had to leave my ex partner (Sons Dad) to domestic violence and he is currently seeing his son in a contact centre. With all these stresses of court and grieving over my mum. I am litterly already stressed enough at it is dealing with every single thing on my own. I wheel Faith around in a wheelchair to get around and I have no one else who would take the other pram so i really do spend a lot of time indoors to avoid the struggle of getting around. Faith is almost 7 and we got one year if even out of a double buggy, Faith has zero mobility and she needs carried from room to room she is very heavy, I also carry her up and down a flight of stairs. I recently got a hoist and hospital bed For Faith and was told by her OT that she had to be bed washed until I get a proper purpose build house for us. Which is years down the line, of course I didn’t accept this I still carry Faith up and down the stair to her room and bath her in our bath tub. I mean every single day feels like I am serving a life scentence , I feel like I am a skivy in my own home and litterly tortured every single day because all my children have is me, there is no such thing as sitting down and I can’t count on anyone. I do absolutely everything. All my family have split apart from my Mum passed but even before the family support hasn’t been non existent but I could always count on my mum even if it was just calling into get her advise and opinion on things. I am struggling to come to terms with being all
On my own with things I often wonder if anything was to happen me I can’t even think of one person that would be there to help me. It is real , I am wearing myself down. I am only one person and I don’t know how many times I have been at breaking point. All my kids have is me. I beat myself down and awful lot because I want to do better but I struggle to because things are just so hard to do on my own. my son does get two days a week in crèche but honestly I am just back at the house eighter cleaning, making beds etc… it is great that he is away for two days but I feel like it still isn’t enough… there isn’t one minute for me , I feel like I am only here to look after these children , when other people talk to me they say ‘I don’t know how your doing it’ all I want to know will this get better , because I feel like this can’t be changed. And I have to learn to live with it but I seriously am suffering with no support. There is times where I really need that second pair of hands. And there is litterly no one I can call on. I am certainly not ready for dating as I wouldn’t be able to fit a slot in for anybody else not even myself. It’s all just so hard for me , and I feel as though I’m just being left to it. And that is my life

I’m so sorry you don’t have any family support around you. Have you thought of trying to reach out to any local support groups?

You say “I have things extremely hard which I hide very well , absolutely no one knows about my struggle”. I think it could be a good idea to open up to your community and ask for help when needed. You’re doing an incredible job but at the same time you’re also draining yourself as it is too much for one person to handle.

Oh bless you @anonymous5938 you honestly sound like super mum, you’ve done so well to manage all of this by yourself :heart:

Have you spoken to your doctor or health visitor about how you’re feeling? You may be able to access some support so please do have a chat with them.

Do you have any friends you can talk to about this? I know you might not want to ask for help but generally people will help if they’re asked to.

Are you also talking to other mums of disabled children? Have a look on Facebook for some support groups - there may even be face to face groups running now, even if it’s just to speak to someone who gets how hard it is.

I know it must feel impossible right now, I can hear that in the tone of your writing but you are honestly so so strong, I’m in awe of you! Please though, reach out to your GP/HV for some help, they can and will want to help you.

Sending you so much love,
Rhian x

Try talking to ur gp or health visitor. You are doing an amazing job but we all need surport there are many support groups out there for parents of kids with spiceal needs and groups where u can take both kids. Also speak to the nursery/school they may knew groups. Try plan ur day out so u get rest and time to urself to recharge. Talk with ur family and friends even if they can help once in awhile to allow you to do a shop alone or just to go get a coffee